I am a loser with no life. Yesterday, Friday, I did nothing and stayed inside. Today I went to chipotle and yea I had fun but It's the night that I am more worried about. I hardly ever do things with my nights anymore. I hope that my parents let me go to David Busters still. But the stupid snow came and ruined it but It's not snowing anymore so maybe I can still go.
I have also experienced a real rejection on Wednesday night. I had my interview for LMC at Duke Ellington and was rejected for that. I had actually cried for the first time in forever because it hurt so much. I understand that It's a part of life so I just have to deal with that fact and move on. I know that I still have theater as an open option and I love theater as well so it is not a big upset. So I still have things to look forward to in life.
My social life is nothing to look forward to. Nothing ever happens with me and my friends I'm just sitting at home whenever they go out. So now it is a major no for me to go out which makes me personal social life even more boring. I think for the rest of the night I will just sit around listening to music and doing absolutely nothing. Maybe one day I will have a social life but for now I'm just another one in the crowd.
I know that musicá and music make me happy so I will be listening to this for the rest of the night. I feel bad because I have not blogged in a while but I should still have an up keep. I will just spout this topic then I will finish for tonight. Beauty is the discussion for today.
Beauty always depends on the person as they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sometimes the most beautiful person could have an ugly attitude and that can make them ugly to some or pretty still to the rest. Vice versa some may think that one is pretty or just ugly because of appearance, but in truth no one is ugly. Everyone in their own unique way is beautiful even if we, ourselves, do not realize that they are. I sometimes even have this judgement of others whether I realize I am doing it or not.
Sometimes I do not even see my own beauty. I could be out in public and I see girls or women that I consider beautiful and it takes It's hit on my self esteem. Even though I am a teen I'm still a young teen so when I see the older ones, I think to myself that maybe one day I could look like them. They could have the worst personality ever but I do not know that or see it. All I see is someone who I know is prettier than me. There was a girl I went to school with, she is an year older than me so she graduated last year.
I would always tell her that I wanted her hair. My hair stops a bit past my shoulder and is very soft and feels like cotton. Her hair was long but not past her elbows. She would always respond that she wanted my light skin color and my eyes because they changed beautiful colors. This goes to show what we do not see in ourselves, others do see in us. America promotes this picture of a girl who is blue eyed or blonde and tall and curvy and no fat what so ever.
This can lower a lot of girls self esteem and I know this because it does this to me. When I see Victoria Secret commercials, it's like will I ever grow up to be that pretty? So many questions a young girl would have and for things she shouldn't have to worry about but does. I sometimes have to think about all the things that make me who I am and that I think makes me pretty. In the end I know who I am even after my time of doubt and even though I forget I will always have this with me. Until next time,
Mattie.
